Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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