how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
whose parrot is this?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
