Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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