Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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