haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
