he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
