Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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