You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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