Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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