I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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