dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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