The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
