Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
