It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
