Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
