I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and she was petting her beer can
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
