You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
