the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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