you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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