I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
