I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
