maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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