I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
