I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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