Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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