i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
