I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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