the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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