So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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