What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
a search helicopter?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
