from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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