I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
