she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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