Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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