I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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