i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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