im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
