dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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