she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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