Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
