Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
