just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
