So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
