I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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