You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
