you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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