I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
