Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina is officially offended.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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