Can i not drive my cunt home
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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