I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
