I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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