i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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