The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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