yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
