Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
