i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
