Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He shit in the fireplace
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
