I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
