Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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