I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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