Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
