i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
