Whod you bang
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
