My underwear smells like fireworks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
