"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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