I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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