So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
