then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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