Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
