I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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