You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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