i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
