I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
