Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
