everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
