Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
