Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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