I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
