i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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