I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
