it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
