When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
