I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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