You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
