I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
